I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
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