This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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