well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
