There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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