does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
