the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
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Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.