it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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