fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
my phone needs a breathalizer
I am spending my child support on dildos
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.