nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You pole danced in your parka.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
