I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
