It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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