im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
