what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
