So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
