do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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