haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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