Having a random hookup so left but love u
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
