So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
