Porn is love you can see.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
