Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
