woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
