Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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