You made me cry and you don't even care
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
