I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
