His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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