We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
The beer is more important than you right now.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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