well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
