I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
