shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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