god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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