There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
