its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
