i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
