So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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