you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
