Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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