what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
