Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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