$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
