Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
