I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
