in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
