Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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