Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
