I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
