please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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