you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
