Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
