omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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