I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
