At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
