you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
