Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
