I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Your cock deserves a montage
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
