like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
The police scanner is talking about you again....
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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