No stitches, just platelets and will power
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
