I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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