I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
