Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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