I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
