Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize