Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
