Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
