i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
