I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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