UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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