Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
