someone get that fucking seahorse.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
