Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
