Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
