he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
