if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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