On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Randomize
