mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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