i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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