I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize