Dual....:-)
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
